Hazards of Redemption
by Valandar
Summary: Waitaminute... An Oni is playing Shogi with Mr Saotome? And calling Kasumi "Sensei"? What in the world is going on here? C&C definitely appreciated!
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: I haven't taken my Prozac, so be warned. Oh, and, by the way, this is a non-profit Fanfiction. Please don't sue me, Ms. Takahashi-sama!  
  
Hazards of Redemption  
  
Prologue  
  
"I'm tellin' you, Akane, somethin' weird is about ta happen!"  
  
Tendou Akane looked up at her pigtailed fiance. This wasn't unusual, as he was taller than she was. The fact that she had to look way up, since he was walking on the fence, wasn't all that unusual, either. "Look, Ranma, it's just been quiet for a while."  
  
"Right! So somethin' big must be coming, you know, like the calm before the earthquake." Ranma stopped for a moment, and looked around. Reassured, he continued walking. "I jus' think it's way too quiet. I mean, Shampoo ain't parked her bike on me in a while, the Kunos are outta the country, an' Ryouga ain't been around for two weeks."  
  
"First," said the girl, "it's the calm before the storm, not the earthquake. And, second, all that doesn't mean that anything weird is going to happen soon. That is, weirder than usual."  
  
The pair reached the gates of the Tendou home, and walked in. "We're home!" called Akane.  
  
"We're back here," came Nabiki's voice.  
  
As they walked back to the back yard, the Tendou patriarch's voice carried to them. "Masterful move, Saotome."  
  
A second voice responded. "Yes, good panda. But I have known that gambit for over three hundred years." The voice was deep, and guttural, with the overtones of a bull being slowly mutilated. Ranma sent a glance to Akane, and they continued around the corner.  
  
The sight was one that should have shocked them, but didn't. Genma, in panda form, was sitting at the shogi board, and Soun was with him. However, the eldest Tendou was not across from Genma, but beside him. Instead, the panda's opponent was an Oni. A seven foot tall, muscle-bound, red-skinned, four-horned oni. With spikes. And glowing green eyes.  
  
"Would you like some more tea, Mr. Oni-san?" asked the perennially cheerful Kasumi.  
  
"Why, yes. Thank you." The oni looked at Soun. "That was the proper use of those words, was it not?"  
  
"It most certainly was. Saotome, watch it. That move has left you wide open."  
  
"Growf," muttered the polymorphed martial artist. He pulled out a sign, which read, 'Ah, yes. He's falling into my trap!'  
  
Akane looked at Ranma. "Okay. You were right."  
  
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The Tendou's dinner table was used to crowds. However, Genma was usually the only one that was large enough to count as a crowd by himself. With both the large panda and their supernatural guest, there wasn't much room for the rest of the family.  
  
"Ow! Watch those shoulder spikes," complained Ranma, holding one hand to his right eye.  
  
"Sorry. Perhaps I should remove myself from the table." The Oni did his best to appear apologetic, but the toothy visage he presented instead twisted into something that could curdle milk at ten paces.  
  
"Umm, nah. Don't worry about it." A blur of chopsticks later, and one of his father's egg rolls disappeared into the young martial artist's bottomless stomach.  
  
"Growyeouch!" complained Genma, as his paw encountered the spikes at the Oni's elbow.  
  
"Heh, serves ya right, Pops. Ya shouldn't steal a guest's food," gloated Ranma.  
  
"It is no matter. I do not need food, anyway," rumbled the Oni. As an attempt to keep the peace, it would have worked. That is, if his voice didn't sound like a freight train colliding with a herd of buffalo.  
  
Shortly after dinner was over, and the dishes done, the family settled down in the living room. "Okay," said Akane, "first of all, what do we call you? I mean, we don't want to call you 'hey you' when we want to talk to you."  
  
Sitting up very straight, and very formal, the huge Oni cleared his throat. "I am called He Who Has Destroyed the Virtue Of Maidens, Devastated the Huan Mao Dynasty, Defiled the... "  
  
"Umm, okay, how about something simple, and not so... evocative," asked Nabiki.  
  
"Very well. Call me... um," he glanced at the cover of a nearby manga, "Rumiko."  
  
"Y'know, that's, um, a girl's name," said Ranma.  
  
"Oh. Then what should it be?"  
  
Ranma scratched the back of his head. "How about Kenchiro? It's a common enough name."  
  
"Sounds good to me," said Nabiki. "Now, Ranma and Akane haven't heard the story, yet. Why don't you fill them in?"  
  
Once again, the Oni sat up straight. "The story begins with the last of the Takamaru clan, ancestral enemies of the Tendous... "  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
Takamaru Yoshi traced the summoning circle with the incense for a third time, as prescribed by the ancient text before him. He continued chanting, filling the words with hate.  
  
A swirl of darkness filled the circle. With every syllable that spilled from the old man's lips, it grew, and gathered into form. Soon, the ritual was complete, and the Oni stood in the center. "What is your command, my master?"  
  
The wizened figure scowled. "I am the last of the Takamaru clan. For centuries, the Takamaru and Tendou clans have been enemies. Now, I stand, a childless old man, and the last of my clan. The Tendous are thriving, and are poised on yet another generation. That must not be.  
  
"I want you to destroy everyone in the Tendou household. I want their last child to die before I do. The Takamaru clan must outlive that hellspawn."  
  
The Oni nodded. "It shall be done." Transforming once more into a black mist, it left the room.  
  
Yoshi stared into the darkness of the basement room for several minutes. Secure in his knowledge of the destruction of the Tendou clan, he settled onto the floor, and fell asleep. Sometime in the next half hour, the Takamaru clan was no more.  
  
The Tendou home was quiet. Soun and Genma had left for the baths not half an hour earlier, and the younger siblings were at school. Kasumi stood in the kitchen, singing to herself, and happily preparing a little something for snacks, later in the day.  
  
Gliding over to the countertop, she set down a cookie sheet, and began pressing lumps of dough onto its floured surface. Behind her, a wisp of darkness grew, and took form. The red-skinned Oni drew its hands back, and its fanged mouth broke into a cruel grin. "Woman," it growled, "prepared to die."  
  
Kasumi turned around. Smiling, she said, "Oh, I didn't know we had a visitor. Would you like some tea?"  
  
"Did you not hear me, woman?" growled the Oni.  
  
"Yes, you said you were going to kill me," she said.  
  
"Um, right. Yes, I am here to kill you, and all the rest of the Tendou household! I have no time for tea."  
  
"Are you sure, Mr. Oni-san? I have some rice cakes, too," she said.  
  
The Oni stared at her for a moment. "I tell you I am here to kill your entire family, and you offer me hospitality?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Oh. Very well. I guess I can accept the offer. It has been a thousand years since someone was this polite." Shrugging, the Oni followed her out to the dinner table.  
  
"So, Mr. Oni-san, did Happosai send you? He's always so thoughtful, sending various guests our way." She carefully poured his tea. "Of course, most of them aren't trying to kill us. At least, other than Ranma, that is."  
  
"Um, no, he didn't. Your ancestral enemy, Takamaru Yoshi, sent me. I wouldn't be so free with this information, if I had not felt my master's death ten minutes ago." He lifted the teacup to his mouth, one pinky extended. He took a sip, then lowered it again. "So, mortal, tell me. Why are you so calm, knowing what you do about why am I am here?"  
  
"Inner peace."  
  
"Inner peace?" he repeated.  
  
"Yes. More tea?" she offered.  
  
"Well, since the primary reason I was summoned is no more, I guess I could wait some more before I destroy you." He held his cup out for her to fill, then sipped his tea again. "How did you achieve this inner peace?"  
  
"I just did. Did you say that your primary reason is no more?" asked Kasumi.  
  
"Actually, yes. Takamaru wanted me to destroy you, so that the Tendou line would be destroyed before his own line ended. As he was the last of his line, and he is now dead, my mission cannot be accomplished."  
  
"Well, then, there's no reason to kill us, now, is there?" She sipped her own tea.  
  
"I guess not." He regarded her for a moment. "Tell me, do you think you could maintain your composure, even in the face of the Yama Kings?"  
  
"Oh, my. Kings? Well, we've had princes stop by to visit before..."  
  
"Oh. Well, do you think you could teach me how to find this 'inner peace'? It would be invaluable in my future dealings with my kind."  
  
She smiled. "I can't show you how to get there, but I can show you the path. Of course, you couldn't kill anyone."  
  
"No killing? Hmph. Very well, I will not kill as long as you are guiding me." The Oni set down his teacup. "Can I at least maim? Or torture."  
  
"Well, it's not very nice," she frowned. It looked rather fake, since she didn't have much experience at frowning.  
  
"Nice, ugh." He considered for a moment. "Very well. I will be nice. At least, until I learn this 'inner peace' thing."  
  
Smiling again, Kasumi said, "Thank you, Mr. Oni-san. Rice cake?"  
  
---------------------------------------  
  
"Of course, when Mr. Tendou and Mr. Saotome returned home, it took some explaining," finished Kenchiro.  
  
"Ah, yes. Of course, I stood my ground to protect poor Kasumi, not realizing she wasn't in any danger," said Genma.  
  
"I don't buy it," blurted Ranma. "I can't see you challenging anything with horns, spikes, fangs, or even a bag full of panties."  
  
"Panties?" asked Kenchiro, one spike-covered eyebrow raised.  
  
"Don't worry about it," said Nabiki, "we'll explain later."  
  
"Now, Ranma, Uncle Saotome was actually very considerate," said Kasumi.  
  
"He was?"  
  
"Yes," she continued, "he even pretended to be scared to preserve Mr. Oni-san's feelings."  
  
"I, er, um..." stammered the bald martial artist.  
  
"He was so cute," she said, barely stopping, "crouched down at his feet, begging Mr. Oni-san not to kill him."  
  
"Heh, just what I figured," smirked Ranma.  
  
Nabiki stared at the Oni. "So, you are basically a spirit, manifested in physical form?"  
  
"Exactly, Miss Tendou."  
  
"Is there any way you could manifest a less, well, obvious physical form?" She glanced at his horns and spikes. "If too many people see you, they could jump to the wrong conclusion, and there would be a whole lot of trouble."  
  
"Of course." He closed his eyes, and his form flowed like running water. In seconds, an exact duplicate of Soun Tendou sat at the table. "Is this sufficient," he asked in Soun's own voice.  
  
"Well, that could also cause problems," said the middle Tendou daughter. "Can you be a little more generic?"  
  
Shimmering, he lost the mustache, and incorporated Genma's nose, and Ranma's eyes. "How about this?" he asked, in a voice similar to Ranma's, but with a deeper, baritone resonance.  
  
"Perfect. If anyone asks, you're Ranma's cousin."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because Oni aren't exactly accepted in modern Japanese society," she explained.  
  
"Oh." He turned to Ranma. "Greetings, Cousin."  
  
"Um, yeah. Hi." He sighed. "I have a bad feeling about this..." 


	2. Oni the Lonely

Disclaimer: I haven't taken my Prozac, so be warned. Oh, and, by the way, this is a non-profit Fanfiction. Please don't sue me, Ms. Takahashi-sama!  
  
Hazards of Redemption  
  
Chapter One: Oni the Lonely  
  
Hell is not the absolute monarchy most people think it is. Instead, it is a massive bureaucracy, with numerous offices and divisions, each one dedicated to dealing with a particular aspect of sin, temptation, or response to summonings. In one particular office, at the back of a very long line, stood Takamaru Yoshi. Needless to say, he wasn't too happy.  
  
He had been standing in line for over eight hours, and he seemed to be no closer to the desk, far off in the distance. This would not do. No, this would not do at all. "By the Terrace of the Mirror of the Wicked, I demand to reach the front of the line! I am the last scion of the Takamaru clan, and Master of the Black Arts!" He raised his hands, and summoned all of his dark power.  
  
Which wasn't very much. One would think that the power of black magic would be stronger in Hell than it was on Earth. Of course, it is, as long as you are either a demon, or alive. Yoshi was neither of these at the moment. All he managed to summon was a small flame on the tip of his index finger, which promptly snuffed out as it burned him. He started hooting and hollering, and leapt about like a Mexican jumping bean.  
  
After a few minutes, he finally settled down, and resumed his place in line. That was when a particularly large demon, with eight horns, reached down, and plucked him from his spot. "Get in the back," it growled.  
  
"But this is my spot!" he declared.  
  
"GET IN THE BACK!" roared the demon.  
  
Gathering his rather disheveled kimono around himself, Yoshi glared at the fiend, then slowly walked to the back of the line. The walk took him ten minutes.  
  
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No matter where Ranma went, the stars were one of the few constants in his life. Some fled with the seasons, while others stayed where they were, but they were there, year after year. When he needed time alone to think, the stars listened, and didn't judge. They simply were there.  
  
Tonight's deep thoughts revolved around the Oni that was attempting to reform. Kenchiro, he had named it - rather, him. So what happens? They decide that Ken is now Ranma's 'cousin' to the world at large. Oh, great. If Kuno hears about this, I'll never get him off my back.  
  
On the other hand, if Ken doesn't get the hang of the whole inner peace thing, he's likely to get rather frustrated. And that could mean a whole lot of trouble. So, perhaps it was better to try to help him out.  
  
The big problem was the general chaos surrounding Nerima. If Ken were to get caught up in the whole mess, things could get ugly. And, in his natural form, Ken was pretty ugly. That could probably trash the Oni's attempt to reform, if that was what he was doing, and they'd have to deal with one ticked off demon. Not that they couldn't, but the less mass destruction the better.  
  
Ranma was distracted by the telltale sound of a ladder dropping into place against the roof. Glancing over, he saw the short, black hair of his fiancee. That is, he saw one of his fiancees. It was Akane, to be precise. "Ranma, are you sleeping up here tonight?"  
  
He stayed on his back, but crossed one ankle over the other. "Well, where else'd I sleep? I have a new cousin, now, an' he's probably sharing the room with me an' Oyaji. With those two, there's not much room fer me, ne?"  
  
"Actually, he's not sleeping anywhere," she giggled.  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Baka, he's a spirit! He doesn't need sleep. He's sitting by the koi pond, meditating," said Akane.  
  
Ranma sat up, and stretched a little. "Oh, um, okay. I, um, gotta get to bed them. We got school tomorrow. Um, they're not gonna make him come to school with us, are they?"  
  
Akane glared at him. "He's several thousand years old, to begin with, and his form, body, whatever, looks about thirty. He'd look funny at Furinkan, wouldn't he?"  
  
"Um, yeah." He looked at her, and froze. The moon was full, and the blue-white light was shining in Akane's eyes. She was half smiling at her own joke, and he didn't think he could breathe. "Ahh..." began Ranma.  
  
"Yes?" asked Akane.  
  
"Ahh..." he continued.  
  
"Well?" she demanded.  
  
"Ahh..."  
  
"Come on, what?" she growled.  
  
"AH-CHOO!"  
  
"RANMA NO BAKA!" Blam!  
  
Down below, Kenchiro the Oni glanced up at the scene above him. "Fascinating. I did not know the boy had enough mastery of his chi to fly, yet."  
  
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In a black-curtained office, King Chuan Lun Wang, High Yama King of all Hell, drummed his fingers on his huge, ebony desk. The clicking of his metal, finely manicured talons echoed through the cavernous room. The only light came from the monitor of the computer sitting on his desk. Being Hell, it was only a 286, despite his lofty position. His clothing was fine, and without stray threads anywhere, and perfectly tailored for his skeletal frame. As his left hand drummed out its staccato beat, the right hand fiddled with the mouse on its Disney mouse pad.  
  
At the far end of the room, doors large enough to allow the Hindenburg through slowly cracked open. A small voice croaked in the shadows. "Y-you asked for m-me, your Grand Supreme Evil Omnipotence, sire?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
An uneasy silence filled the room. The underlit black skull that served as a face for King Chuan Lun Wang turned slowly to gaze upon the tiny imp that slowly crept in to his august presence. "Um, S-sire, w-what can I d-do for my mighty and p-powerful Master?" squeaked the imp.  
  
The drumming of the fingernails stopped. That hand slowly left the table, and dipped gently into a large bowl on one corner of his desk. Withdrawing translucent, writhing shapes, he placed them in his fanged mouth, and slowly chewed. He swallowed, then spoke with the dusty voice of the grave. "One of our number has decided to leave us."  
  
"Sire?" The imp could not believe he had heard the High Yama King correctly.  
  
"He was in the Department of Vengeful Summonings. His mortal master died most untimely, thus negating part, but not all, of the reason for his summons. With an open ended contract, rather than taking advantage of it, he decided to attempt to reach something called 'inner peace'. This must not be." King Chuan Lun Wang reached into the bowl again, bringing out more of the squirming contents. "Find the mortal known as Takamaru Yoshi. He will be in the line at office number 547B. Bring him here."  
  
The imp snapped to attention. "At once, Master!"  
  
Motioning at the bowl, the High Yama King continued. "Also, bring me some more of these mortal delicacies. Gummi worms, I believe they're called."  
  
-------------------------------------------------  
  
Splash!  
  
"So, does this conflict occur every morning?" asked Kenchiro, as he sat just inside the dining room.  
  
"Growf!" Genma held up a sign, saying, 'Of course! The boy's gotta train!'  
  
Ranma, still in male form, punted the panda back into the koi pond. "Seems ta me that you're so outta shape, you gotta train s'more, too!" A paw reached out, and snagged the young man's red shirt, tossing him in as well. "Glarble!" was all he could manage to say in protest, since his head had gotten stuck in the soft mud at the bottom of the pool.  
  
"Breakfast is ready!" called Kasumi.  
  
Genma hopped out of the pond, dragging Ranma out along with him. It wasn't intentional, however; one of his claws was still stuck in his son, er, daughter's shirt. The two almost reached the table, when Kenchiro stopped them. "For the sake of my sensei, I must insist that the two of you clean up first."  
  
"Guuhr?" Genma noticed the pigtailed martial artist dangling from one of his claws, and shook her off. She landed with a rather wet 'splut'.  
  
Wiping the mud off her face, Ranma-chan glared up at her father. "An' I got first dibs on the furo!" she exclaimed, completely clearing the dinner table and those at it, landing on the stairs already running.  
  
By the time Genma had gotten cleaned up, turned human, and gotten downstairs, there wasn't much left for him to eat. Grumbling to himself, he devoured what was left, as Ranma and Akane raced off to school.  
  
"Oh, Kenchiro-san, they forgot their lunches again. Would you take them to them?" asked Kasumi.  
  
"Of course, sensei. Where are they going?" said the Oni. In a few minutes, the demon was on his way to Furinkan High School, and the start of a really bad day for many students there.  
  
Minutes later, Kenchiro, the disguised Oni, walked the streets of Nerima with a total focus that rivaled few in this world. And most of those with this sort of focus were named 'Hibiki'. You see, he was lost.  
  
How can a reformed demon spirit get lost, one might ask? The answer is simple. He may have known how to reach the Realm of the Recently Dead from the bottom of the Hell of Boiling Alive, or how to find the Terrace of the Mirror of Souls when lost in the Maze of Blades and Fire, but the Tokyo street system baffled him. Right now, he was walking in front of a certain okonomiyaki shop, lunches for Ranma and Akane in hand.  
  
"Mortals. I will never understand their sense of aesthetics. Everything here looks the same, with only the signs to differentiate them," he muttered. Glancing around, he saw a young lady of approximately the same age as his quarry sweeping the floor of the okonomiyaki place. "Perhaps she knows where I can find this Fur-in-kan."  
  
Stepping in through the door, he got a better look at the girl. Very slender, and very pretty, she was dressed very formally. In fact, one could almost say she was overdressed for merely cleaning up. Something about her bugged him, tugging at the back of his brain, until he realized what it was. She had an Adam's apple, despite a predominately female chi aura.  
  
"Excuse me, young man, where can I find Fur-in-kan school?" he asked.  
  
The young, effeminate man looked up, startled. "Well, sir, I could show you, but I have to get the store open before Ukyou-sama gets back from there." He motioned to the door, and the two stepped out. "Go down this street two more blocks, then follow the canal down for half a mile. It will be on the right."  
  
"Thank you." Bowing slightly, Kenchiro turned in the direction the young man had pointed out, and began his trek.  
  
---------------------------------------------  
  
Takamaru Yoshi found himself sitting in a very bizarre waiting room. The benches were covered in human skin, with the face on the seat back occasionally murmuring to itself. The so-called potted plant was composed of the skeletons of various creatures, most of which may have been extinct for hundreds of thousands of years. The rug was a giant flatworm, whose lidless eyes seemed to follow his every movement as he paced back and forth. The walls, ceiling, and floor were painted black; at least, he thought the ceiling was black. It was so high that he could not see it. At the far end of the room, a pair of doors over seventy feet high actually repulsed the eye, as if some secret were hidden in the carvings that no mortal could comprehend, and stay sane.  
  
Stationed along the wall to the left of the doors was a secretary and her desk. She would have been a very pretty, if it wasn't for the fine greenish scales, tentacles on her head for hair, and dozens of blade-like wings that sprouted from her back. Her jade-green eyes flashed red for a moment, then motioned to him. "He will see you now."  
  
"I-it's ab-bout time," he stammered. Before his eyes, the door on the right opened itself, creaking open with the stately dignity of a funeral procession. Taking a deep breath, he entered the presence of the High Yama King, King Chuan Lun Wang.  
  
A brilliant red light shone in through the window, between the black curtains. The cavernous office echoed his every footstep for several seconds as he timidly approached the ultimate master of hell. He stopped halfway, unsure of just how far he should go. "Y-you summoned me, Great Lord?"  
  
"Yes. Approach." The whispered voice carried easily to Yoshi's ears, and seemed to whisper even more in his mind. He decided to ignore the unease, and tried to recapture the arrogance he had as a mortal.  
  
Stepping to within ten feet of the massive ebony desk, he pulled himself up to his full height, almost five foot three, and threw his chin up. "What may this poor mortal do for your magnificence?"  
  
"You summoned one of my minions. Your death freed him from the contract. Now, he has become a renegade." One taloned hand pointed at him. "You will take one of my soldiers, and reclaim him. In return, you will be given a lighter eternal torture."  
  
"How benevolent of you," muttered the sorcerer.  
  
"Beware your hubris, mortal. However, I do believe that further explanation is in order. There is a mortal that is guiding him, one of your ancestral enemies. Claim her for Hell, and you shall gain rank. The prisoner shall become the prison guard, as it were." King Chuan Lun Wang motioned to one wall. A long, white screen lowered itself, and a slide projector rose out of the floor opposite it. "This is she."  
  
On the screen, the face of a lovely young girl appeared, her brown hair in a ponytail draped over her shoulder. "She is one of the Tendous, Great Lord?" asked Yoshi.  
  
"Yes. She is Tendou Kasumi. And it is her soul you must claim."  
  
--------------------------------------------  
  
Kenchiro wandered the halls of Furinkan High, trying to find his erstwhile cousin and his fiancee. This, of course, was easier said than done, since he did not understand the layout of the building. Several times, he heard bells, and the halls would flood with students, bustling about, and changing rooms. Of course, this only served to baffle the Oni even further. He finally grabbed one student during one of these times. "I am sorry, but do you know where I can find Saotome Ranma and Tendou Akane?"  
  
The student nodded. "Yeah, they're probably in the lunch room right now, that was the lunch bell. You here to fight him and carry her off?"  
  
"Umm, no. I'm here to bring them their lunches." He glanced around. "Which way is the lunch room?" As the two walked there, he added, "Does that sort of thing happen often?"  
  
"Nah, only about once a month," answered the student.  
  
It took them five minutes to find the squabbling pair. "Look, Akane, I thought you grabbed them!", said Ranma.  
  
"Baka, I thought you grabbed them! Now we don't have lunch... unless one of your girlfriends shows up with free food for you," growled Akane.  
  
"Excuse me," said Kenchiro. "I have been sent with these for you by Sensei Kasumi." He held up the two bentos he had carried across half of Nerima.  
  
"Oh, thank you, Kenchiro-san," said Akane.  
  
Handing them their lunches, the Oni sat down beside them. "So this is what has become of educational institutions. What manner of knowledge is passed on here?"  
  
"Jus' the usual," said Ranma. "History, Grammar, Mathematics, P.E., and more boring stuff."  
  
"Ah, I see." He shifted in his seat, and frowned. "Something is coming, my erstwhile cousin. Something dark, and evil."  
  
No sooner had those words escaped his mouth, when the wall of the lunchroom exploded inwards. "Nihao!" cried a buxom young, purple-haired Chinese girl. "Shampoo come bring lunch for Ranma!"  
  
Akane leaned over, and whispered in the Oni's ear. "That wouldn't be the dark, evil thing, would it?"  
  
"No," he whispered back. "She is filled with positive chi. A little negative, as with all things, but mostly positive."  
  
"Umm, hi, Shampoo," stammered Ranma.  
  
"Who man sitting beside Violent Girl? New boyfriend?"  
  
"No, I am not. I am Saotome Kenchiro, cousin to Ranma-  
kun, here." The oni stood, and bowed, then reclaimed his seat.  
  
"Oh, then we in-laws, yes?" the Amazon beamed.  
  
"In-laws?" asked Kenchiro.  
  
Ranma hastily explained. "So, according to her village laws, we're married. But we ain't!"  
  
"Hmph. I will never understand, I guess."  
  
"Ranma eat meal fixed by Shampoo, yes?" asked Shampoo.  
  
Sniffing the air, the Oni spoke. "I wouldn't if I were you. It smells like it's got White Saffron in it as well as a few other things."  
  
"Huh?" asked both Ranma and Akane, together.  
  
"Love spices," he responded.  
  
"No listen to stupid man! Ramen good for you yes?" She held up the bento box as if it were the holy grail.  
  
"Um, not now, Shampoo. Kasumi fixed me lunch today, heh, heh."  
  
"Hmph." She turned to glare at Kenchiro. "You no want to become obstacle," she said, bounding away.  
  
"What did she mean by that?" he asked.  
  
Akane piped up. "One of her favorite quotes is, 'Obstacles are for killing'. By the way, what could this 'dark evil' be?"  
  
The oni rubbed his chin, looking off into the distance. "It is possible my infernal masters could take offense at my apparent defection," he mused.  
  
"Ya mean they'd send a demon after us," said Ranma, filing the way he said the word 'apparent' away for future use.  
  
"Yes," said his new cousin. After a brief pause, he continued. "Whatever it is, it is very close, and getting closer."  
  
One splash of water later, and Ranma heard the one word that most filled him with disgust.  
  
"SWEETO!"  
  
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And the actors are in place... almost time for the show to really begin!  
  
- Valandar the Red of the Empty Tankard 


	3. Oni In My Dreams

Disclaimer: Prozac is overrated, and I didn't invent the Nerima crowd. Thanks for your support.  
  
Hazards of Redemption Chapter Two: Oni in my Dreams  
  
Happosai, Grand Master of the School of Anything Goes Martial Arts had been called many things in his long life. Most of them had something to do with his perversions, and not a few had to do with his less than handsome appearance. But never had he heard anyone that seemed to be in his right mind call him cute.  
  
Of course, this still didn't happen. "Fascinating,"  
said Kenchiro, the reformed Oni. "I though the Bakemono had left Japan three hundred years ago."  
  
Jumping off Ranma-chan's heavenly bosom, and bouncing around as he dodged the punches, kicks, tables, chairs, and bookbags the redhead directed at him. Such a playful thing, really. "Hmm? Look, whoever you are, I'll have you know I am most certainly not a goblin." He would have continued, but an unfortunate deli counter had just impacted with his head.  
  
Kenchiro turned to Ranma. "Do you mind? I am attempting to have a conversation with this Bakemono."  
  
As Happosai twitched, Akane smirked. "He's not a goblin, Kenchiro. He's the pervert who invented Ranma's and my style of martial arts. He's totally human, no matter what he looks like."  
  
Shrugging the student off of him, Happosai faced Kenchiro, eyes narrowed. "Do I know you? You look oddly familiar."  
  
The oni nodded. "I am the On..."  
  
"He's the only cousin I have," interrupted Ranma. "An he ain't a martial artist, so don't go doin nothin' to 'im!"  
  
"Ranma-kun, this is your sensei. Should you not let him know the tru..."  
  
"The truth about your job, hehe?" blurted Ranma. "I don't think so, the government could get angry, ne?"  
  
"You're hiding something," growled the old pervert, "and I intend to find out what it is!" Stopping only to cop a feel on one of the younger Freshmen, he bounded out of the lunchroom, and into the noonday sun.  
  
"Just can't stay away from water, hmm, Saotome?" asked Nabiki as she walked up. "Just this once, I'll let you get by on credit," she said, producing a kettle.  
  
"Why bother?" asked Kenchiro. Placing one hand on Ranma-  
chan's drenched shoulder, he closed his eyes. Seconds later, steam rose from the Chinese shirt, which now was wrapped around a male body.  
  
Nabiki studied the Oni. "You know, it wouldn't be good to go advertising like that. Someone might come up with the right - or wrong - answers." Thinkng about what he did, she thought, 'The big question for me, is are you good or bad for business?'  
  
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Happosai sat on the roof of the local mall, reclining on a bed of silky darlings recently liberated from the lingerie store in the mall. No, not the ones on the rack, the ones left on the bench in the changing room. He had to figure out what this 'cousin' of Ranma's, whatever his name is, really meant to do.  
  
He had known both Genma's and Nodoka's families for seventy years, though he only knew Nodoka's by reputation. The fact that both of Ranma's parents were only children meant that this interloper could not be a first cousin. He might be a distant cousin, but, somehow, the old pervert doubted that. That, plus Ranma's pathetic attempts at lying to him, piqued his curiosity.  
  
He was not Ranma's cousin, that was pretty certain. And what was the 'truth' they were trying to hide?  
  
"Let's see," he muttered. "One, this fellow is rather handsome, and was sitting next to Ranma in the lunchroom.  
  
"Two, he didn't bat an eye when Ranma changed. If anything, he looked interested.  
  
"Three, he called me a Bakemono, a goblin. He'll pay for that one.  
  
"Four, Ranma was defending him, of sorts.  
  
"Five, Akane didn't seem angry when this 'cousin' called him 'Ranma-kun' in front of her. Okay, so maybe that doesn't mean anything."  
  
Sitting up, and tapping one finger against his chin, he stewed over the evidence before him. Soon enough, his twisted little mind put two and two together to get 54.  
  
"He's after my Ranma-chan! Waaagh! Don't worry, Ranam-  
chan!" He stood, raising one fist in the air as he placed the other firmly against his hip. "I will protect your virtue!" Swiftly wrapping up the sweet nothings in his sack, he adjusted the mask below his nose, and bounced off towards the Tendou Dojo.  
  
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The walk home that afternoon started out relatively uneventful. Kuno still hadn't returned from his trip to the Shinjuku district from earlier that morning, and the China crew was stuck at the Nekohanten for a busy lunch crowd. Kenchiro stayed in the area for the afternoon, so he could accompany his sensei's sibling and her fiance back to the dojo.  
  
About halfway there, however, a familiar battle cry rang out across the Nerima skyline. "RANMA, PREPARE TO DIE!"  
  
Jumping back out of the way of a torrent of razor-sharp bandannas, Ranma replied with, "Heya, pig-boy! Ain't seen ya in a while, how's it goin'?"  
  
"Shut up and fight, Ranma! For what you are doing, you deserve retrib... retrobi... er, justice!" called out Ryouga.  
  
Kenchiro reached out, and gently pulled Akane out of the street, and out of possible danger. "Another unique individual of the area?" he asked.  
  
"Yes. He's Hibiki Ryouga. He has a problem with his sense of direction, and seems to have a grudge against Ranma," she said. "But he's a sweet guy, otherwise."  
  
Meanwhile, the two martial artists had closed to hand to hand combat. Most of the roundhouse swings of the more powerful young man swept right by Ranma, but his own quick jabs had very little effect on the stone-hard skin of his rival. "Whaddya know, ya actually made it back to Nerima in less than a week, pork-brain!"  
  
"Stop calling me that!" growled Ryouga, as his punches began to blister the very air with their force. One dropping axe kick hit the pavement instead of Ranma, sending large chunks of concrete in all directions, including that of Kenchiro and Akane.  
  
Realizing that his sensei would not be pleased if her youngest sister were hurt by this, Kenchiro simply grabbed her, picked her up, and turned his back, taking a rather large piece of concrete to his back. Despite his own supernatural strength, he was knocked to the ground, Akane beneath him. "Get off of me," she said, struggling to extricate herself from out from under him.  
  
Ranma caught all this in a glance, and understood what Kenchiro was trying to do. Ryouga, unfortunately, only caught the tail end, and did what any good resident of Nerima would do, and immediately jumped to the wrong conclusion. Jumping back from Ranma, he yelled, "Hey, you! Leave Akane alone!" Snatching a handful of bandannas off his head, he tossed them at the Oni as he slowly stood.  
  
"Oh, crap," cussed Ranma. Reacting with all the speed he could, he sprinted in front of his erstwhile cousin. Darting his hands in the air, he intercepted all of the bandannas but one, which cut a long gash across his ribs.  
  
"You're helping this rapist?" asked Ryouga. "That's even lower than I thought you'd go. Prepare to die!"  
  
Akane had recovered herself by this time, and tried to intercede. "No, wait, Ryouga, it's not what it looks like!" Needless to say, it was little more than wasted breath.  
  
"Boy, P-chan, you're even more clueless than I thought," grunted Ranma as he crossed his arms to block a particularly powerful straightarm punch.  
  
"Shut up, Shut Up, SHUT UP!" roared the Lost Boy, redoubling his assault on his rival. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the steady flow of blood from Ranma's side, and narrowed his mouth to a tight-lipped grin. "Bakusai Tenketsu!" His finger thrust out just past Ranma, to the wall behind him.  
  
"ARRRGH" groaned Ranma, as the shrapnel and the force of the explosion knocked him forward into Ryouga. Bouncing off his chest, the pigtailed martial artist rolled backwards through the wall, and brought himself up to one knee. "Dammit, Ryouga, you've really lost it this time!" With a kiai, he sent the burst of chi that was his Moko Takabisha at the other young man, which caught him square in the chest, and knocked him across the street.  
  
Kenchiro, by this time, had almost literally dragged Akane further down the street towards the dojo, the better to be out of the way. "Why did he do that?" he asked.  
  
"Do what?" asked Akane.  
  
"Place himself between the cloth projectiles and my own form?"  
  
Akane tried to hide a half smile. "He's like that. He doesn't like anyone but himself getting hurt when he's in a fight."  
  
Meanwhile, Ryouga had managed to extricate himself from the wall he had impacted with. Head still spinning, but ready for anything, he roared, "Now you Die!" before running the wrong way down the street.  
  
Ranma staggered out of the yard beyond the destroyed wall, holding on to his injured side. "Hmph. Couldn't even finish our fight," he complained.  
  
Kenchiro eyed him critically. "Nether could you," he remarked, "if a few more blows had landed. Is there an apothecary nearby?"  
  
"Well, Doctor Tofu's place is about three blocks that way," pointed Akane. "He just got back after several months studying abroad."  
  
"Aww," said the pigtailed boy, "I ain't that hurt."  
  
Leaning over, Akane poked him in the side, and Ranma doubled over in pain. Standing suddenly, she said, "Whoa, Deja Vu! Anyway, I think you are, and you at least need a couple of stitches. Now, come on."  
  
-----------------------------------------  
  
As they arrived, Kenchiro started shuffling his feet. "Erm, do I have to enter the premesis?" he asked.  
  
Akane, helping Ranma stand, asked "Why?"  
  
"Something feels... uncomfortable. As though there is very little negative chi that has not been focused and channeled away." The Oni scratched the back of his neck. "Needless to say, it is not the most conducive environment for me."  
  
"well," said Ranma, "If ya don't wanna go in, you can wait out here."  
  
"I shall do that," he said.  
  
Doctor Tofu met them at the door, face grim. "Akane, Ranma, hello. First, looks like you need a lot of help; however, I also want to know why an Oni is walking with you."  
  
Kenchiro actually blushed. "With all due respect, Tofu-  
sensei, I am being taught the way of Inner Peace by Tendo-  
Sensei."  
  
The doctor blinked a bit, then looked at Akane. His stern face slowly relaxing, and starting to crack into a grin, he asked, "Tendo-sensei? You mean Akane's teaching you about inner peace?"  
  
"No," said the Oni, "Tendo Kasumi is."  
  
'Oh no,' thought Ranma. 'He's said her name! An' I'm in arm's reach!' He struggled against Akane, trying to get away before it was too late.  
  
"K-K-Kasumi?" asked the doctor, glasses fogging over. "Well isn't she just peaceful?" One arm snaked out, and caught an unfortunate martial artist.  
  
As Ranma's screams echoed through the district, Kenchiro muttered, "What talent! He'd go far in the service of the Yama Kings!"  
  
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Five minor demons sat around a rather large table, playing poker. "I bet six souls," said a red, cockroach like thing.  
  
A green slug with six lobster claws carefully considered his cards. "I'll meet yer six, and raise ya two."  
  
A blue one that resembled a human with mouths all over his body dropped his cards in disgust. "Too rich fer my blood," he said in polyphonic stereo.  
  
The others laughed. A grey minotaur snorted at the blue one. "Wimp. I'll meet, and raise another soul."  
  
"Wimp yerself," said the last one, a black, shadowy shape vaguely reminiscent of a pile of cottage cheese. "I meetcha, and raise ya twenny!" It quivered slightly, a broad white grin stretching across his face. Even its teeth looked like cottage cheese.  
  
Everyone groaned, and dropped their cards. "What?" asked the black blob.  
  
Before any of the others could answer, a large Oni, with six horns, appeared in their midst, holding an ancient, robed human. "SILENCE!" it bellowed.  
  
The black blob looked up. "What's up? Is he a snack? Ya want in on the game?"  
  
ZARK! A blast of eldritch power lanced out from the eyes of the Oni, vaporizing the disgusting thing. The other lesser demons considered cheering, but decided it would be hazardous to their health. "This mortal has command of you, slaves. Listen to him as if he were the High Yama King, himself!" With that, he vanished, leaving the human in the company of evil.  
  
"I am Takamaru Yoshi," he began. "I have been sent by the High Yama King, King Chuan Lun Wang, on a mission to reclaim a stray Oni."  
  
"So?" asked the minotaur. "Whazzat gotta do wit' us?"  
  
"You will accompany me to the mortal realm, where we shall take him, screaming, back to Hell." He looked at them, and saw a slight bit of trepidation in their faces. "Oh, and we're also going to kill a lot of people." Yoshi sat down in the still rather slimy seat the black blob had occupied, and basked in the cheers of the demons.  
  
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Okay... it's at this point that I must pause. I hope you enjoy it so far, because it is going to become quite hectic very soon...  
  
- Valandar the Red of the Empty Tankard 


End file.
